Why Didn't She Leave

Why Didn’t She Leave

A freestyle poem by Alexandra Saavedra

She was vulnerable and sad, very angry and hopeless

She was alone and scared, left to fend for herself

She was smart but defeated, lost in the world

She was strong but couldn’t look up

She wanted everything to just end

She wanted to be numb so she indulged in drugs

She was numb and becoming blind

She was leaving herself behind

A shadow took her place, living in her flesh

She was falling down a deep dark hole, she was forgetting her own soul

Then he came along, happy to help

He saw her sadness, he felt her heart ache

He sniffed out her vulnerability, like a dog sniffing for cancer

He saw her looking down so she couldn’t see in front of her

He felt her addiction

He took the steps to become closer

He said sweet words, he used a gentle touch

He protected her and made her feel important

He gave her company, he gave her numbness

He gave her his family and friends

He gave her a light to brighten her insides

He changed

He was controlling, He was demanding

He was isolating her from anything she had left of her own

He made sure she knew without him, she would be alone, with nothing

He took her possessions, what’s hers is his

He kept her numb, never allowing full awareness

He kept her in line with threats and blackmail

He changed

She wanted out, she wanted to leave

She wanted the loneliness again, anything but this

She felt herself fading forever, she was suffocating

She had no freedom, she had no life of her own,

She had nothing, just like before

She was vulnerable and sad, very angry and hopeless

He didn’t allow her to leave, he tricked her

He would go back and forth

Nice, then terrible

Loving then hating

He manipulated her feelings, he twisted her thoughts

She loved him, she needed him

He hit her

He hit her, he beat her, he watched her bleed

He laughed and tortured her heart

He scoffed at her and kicked her while she was already down

He threatened her, he held her against her will

He was nice, he was mean

He threatened her family, he gave her his

He didn’t allow her to have friends, he gave her his

He broke her down but how?

She was already beaten before, she was already down before

She was already scared before, she was already in the darkness before

She was already vulnerable before, she was already alone before

She was already broke down before

Now she is broken from her past and her present

Now she is beaten down mentally and physically

Now she really can’t escape

Now he’s in her mind, now he’s in her heart

Now he’s made physical and mental scars

Now he is in control

She is vulnerable and sad, very angry and hopeless

She is alone and scared, left to fend for herself

She is smart but defeated, lost in the world

She will never be the same she was before

She is bleeding on the floor, looking up at the ceiling

“Why didn’t I leave?”